nous sommes tous hors de NORMAL

i mean what i say
and i most certainly
say what i mean

Posted in: on Saturday, June 28, 2008 at at 3:34 PM 0 comments

Well all the most important people called.
Thankfully none of them knew i was naked all day
i just didnt feel like wearing clothes.
i did wear a skirt and top to the grocery to buy detergent
but france makes you sweat and i was sick of sweating
so i closed the curtains, secured the bedroom windows
and wore my birthday suit which is only fitting since today is
my birthday
my mom told me she met and fell in love with my step dad when she was my age now
she said i shouldn't feel alone
that things have a way of working out

Posted in: on at at 6:37 AM 0 comments

i was hoping to have something good to say but all I feel is emptyness.
the things i miss:
ice coffee
my coworkers
love
turkey burgers
my path
the use of my left knee
a good nites sleep
smiling like i mean it
the ocean

Posted in: on at at 12:27 AM 0 comments

There is this one element to life which I feel my parents left out of their "teachings" which is that life just doesnt work out the way you want. Things you wish to happen, people reacting the way you want, words spoken just as you want them to be spoken, it just isnt the way life really works. I have to remind myself of this. today mostly, i had to remind myself of this. I feel like I need to keep reminding myself of this.

I feel like im living in a dream world. im wishing certain words to be spoken and i have to remind myself daily that life isn't this way. the things i want and need are just not happening. i want so badly to live in this dream but its not right.
im just wondering when life will work out the way i want it. when will i "get right"

life can be so tiring. so heartbreaking but its life. its not about what wine you choose, its about whether you jump in the seine or you are pushed in the seine. god dammit. life is so real sometimes.

Posted in: on Wednesday, June 25, 2008 at at 1:57 PM 2 comments

im pretty sure the pre-dinner festivities tonight was the pigeon sex that just occurred on my balcony. two pigeons landed, first they made out a bit, seemed like they were pecking hard like they were fighting but who am i to tell a pigeon how to kiss. then one jumped on the other, moved down a bit to "position" his/her self i suppose and then there was all kinds of rapid wing flapping and then the top one stretched up real tall, then they flew away. they didnt even care that i was watching. then they flew back and tried again. the 2nd time they were not successful.

and now that they are gone, its dinner time.
nothing tastes good anymore
not even sweets.
i have this vague memory of real food.
which im sure is sold at groceries
i can always begin to make a list
but as soon as im finished with milk and bread my mind wanders into all the recipes of food that i want to make and then hours have passed by and nothing was accomplished.
not even the bread or the milk.
in the states, i loved grocery stores. i would wander for hours up and down the aisles. i loved the aisle with all the laundry detergent. all these colors lined up in a row. each one filled with clean and pretty. i like boxes of clean and pretty.
maybe the monoprix isnt so bad. but the lines of people just kill me. i like to look at what other people get. i imagine their dinners, their lives at home. i try to figure out their dinner from the things they buy. but the french cuisine takes a much bigger imagination for me to conjure up the dinners of strangers. in fact, all it does is make me upset.

i know why it upsets me but i just dont feel like explaining.

Posted in: on Sunday, June 22, 2008 at at 10:02 AM 0 comments

ME: excuse me sir, do you know where the closest comic strip is?
Sir: yes, across the street next to that gorilla thats being pulled on his back by the four mockingbirds.
ME: is this the same gorilla that was seen being pulled from the back of Arby's last week?
Sir: no, thats a different gorilla, this is the one who insisted on a triple double venti at a starbucks in italy and was immediately deported.
ME: do they really have starbucks in italy?
Sir: no wait, theres a better comic strip in that building over there with the my shirona sign on the front.
ME: yeah but theres no gorilla over there.
Sir: just try it, its funny.
ME: i'll try it but theres no gorillas
Sir: good for you honey
ME: oh look, theres a honey bee, bye

Posted in: on at at 3:54 AM 0 comments

in america that i can even imagine would allow people to play music anywhere and all day and nite. where people can roam the streets with bottles of wine, beer, and all things alcohol just wandering around from street to street listening to music. the parisian artisans truely figured out how to create pockets of sound so that each musician can be enjoyed without musical overflow from the previous (or next) artist.

this, my friends is Paris's Fete de la Musique

where music is everywhere and anywhere and live or recorded or acoustic or acapella and all of everyone is out to enjoy every bit of it.

even me! and i cracked a smile while watching the frenchies attempt the macarena. the singer was hilarious. he had no idea what the words were so he just made sounds. there was a chorus and some french singer who had a HUGE following, there were dj's playing out of their apartment windows in the marais. There were little girls with their guitars, ladies from the 80's
everybody was movin
we sat by the seine with our wine and crackers and talked with the iranians who were struggling artists kicked out of their country. they spoke of their photography, which had to be approved by the government before it could be shown. they denied a picture of a women in her wedding dress riding the city bus. just last year a woman was allowed to sing in public but only with two men.

if you can cover up, toss away your alcohol and get over the stumps, apparently the country is worth the trip. i was told of large homes and verandas and countryside which bring a sparkle to your eye and make you forget where you are from.

we talked camera's and cobblestones and calculated cravings
we talked new and old
i was away from my home
i could feel some strength
i forgot about my heart for a while
thanks to the music

my head needs rest now
goodnite to you

Posted in: on Saturday, June 21, 2008 at at 4:45 PM 1 comments